back to the grind...

So I am back in the work place and I have mixed emotions about it all really. Firstly I am not too sure if I am the right person for the job...I have so far not been able to do anything that has been asked of me, most of the stuff I haven't done since I was a junior office person, so like 7 years ago!!! Luckily I have awesome friends that I can call on to send me pointers and directions. Secondly I have not had hand over from the previous person as they let her go cause they didn't want me to have her telling me what to do cause she was shit!!!! So I have to start from the bottom and work my way through it all, trying to make it my own, but also staying within the barriers that a bureaucratic environment offers LOL Thirdly its a medical environment and I have never worked in a profession like this before so I have NO IDEA what people are talking about, I have noticed that its all a load of acronym's so I have kinda been piecing it all together SLOWLY and I think I am getting the gist of it and someday I will totally be able to watch an episode of All Saints and totally know what they are on about. I said that to one of the nurses and he told me those shows are all shit and they don't even make sense to him and he has been a nurse for like nearly 15 years! WTF! Fourthly everyone in the office is in their mid to late 40's or older!! Seriously one of the ladies told me she was "going through the change of life" I asked her if she wanted me to turn the air con up for her LOL She laughed and said no she was just letting me know in case I was wondering why she was sweating!!
So basically stuck with a bunch of oldies that have really no idea what I will be doing or what I should be doing cause the boss is away and even when he is back they said he wont really know and wont really have time to tell me anyway! So I have admin contact people and a "supervisor" but they are situated in Brissy and I have to go down to meet them, but apparently this meet n greet wont be happening until late November, so at least a month till I meet my supervisor! And I have already been booked in to take courses and one of those is Web Publishing WTF! These courses will be happening in Brissy, so this is a good thing I guess in that I will have free travel to Brissy and Rubie can see her Dad, but I haven't actually done anything yet so how do they know I am worth it? They all seem to have this faith me and keep telling me they picked me for a reason, but I am not too sure...is it because I have been out of work for soo long and have zero confidence in myself? Will it take a while to find my work mojo? If so is there anyway I can speed this process up?
On the bright side of it all I am not working just to make a fat man rich, or for a boring or bleak service for the health system, far far far from it. I am actually working for Retrieval Health Services QLD and that is all emergency medicine/services,  they have developed all the procedures and services for emergency. I could totally go into detail and explain it all but your eyes will start to glaze over and you will stop reading my blog! LOL no not really I will actually be dealing with doctors/nurses and the emergencies that they assist with over the phone and on the teleconference/consult, yes they can see patients in rural hospitals that need to be transported to us or to bne. And all the 000 calls have to be logged with us so we can make sure everyone is following emergency procedure etc. So on my first day I got to see blood and guts!! YAY me!! So pretty intense day to day happenings - totally beats chasing down an outstanding debtor - but makes the day go really really quickly and before I know it 2pm has come round and its time to leave to go get little Rubie who has been left in the care of complete strangers But so far seems to have no problem with it at all. I drop her off and she waves good bye to start playing with her new friends and toys. Then when I come to pick her up she is all smiles and cuddles. Her minders think she is the greatest kid in the world and I tend to agree, but I am bias! So yeah no dramas with Rubie being in care, I am too busy during the day to think about her and when I pick her up she is happy and cheery so I am guessing she likes it? I had a little guilty attack the other night thinking that I am doing the wrong thing and I am being a slave to the dollar, when really I should be taking this time in my life to be with her and not worrying about money etc, but really I guess if we want to have a life beyond hanging out at home then I have to work. So I am trying to block the anxious and guilt ridden feelings out so I can stay positive and up beat about it all.
So when you hear the sirens think of your pal Lamestar typing/filing/faxing all the paperwork that goes along with it LOL

Footy Finals Fever

So tonight I am goin for the Titans, just cause I like Scotty Prince  and I think that the Rooster are being way too cocky (get it) for their own good! Now the Titans have got Preston back YAY and the last time they came up against the Roosters they beat them without him so heres hoping he makes all the difference to get the titans over the line, or it could go the other way and he could totally stuff it for them, but I am going to think positive! And I dont know how the minichello bro's  are gunna go playing against each other, I hope they have a massive blow up on the field and start punching the shit out of each other LOL Apparently there are over 45,000 packing into Suncorp stadium to watch the game tonight, and I think that is nearly the most it has seen in a while, cause we all know the Broncos had a dismal, dismal season this year!
So the other game happening this weekend for the NRL is Dragons v Tigers. Now I couldn't give 2 shits about this game at all. If I really want the Titans to win the premiership then I would have to say I want the Tigers to win cause I just don't think the Titans have it in them to beat the Dragons. Dragons are serio on fire this season and are going to be hard to beat! With Pakka's fave Jamie Soward  kicking like a machine and the team acting like a well oiled machine, on attack and defense, critics have said that's only cause of their brick wall defense that they are so successful. But if you look at the stats the Dragons have scored 21 tries from between the 21m and 50m lines - five more than the Tigers, this is again why I want the Tigers to win, they will be an easy beat for the Titans if they can defeat the Roosters tonight! I love the final matches cause the channel crap always pulls out the big rock ballad inspirational montages of big hits and awesome tries, some of them last for a whole song! Foo Fighters generally get good free advertising of their tunes this time of year LOL


Right the other big huge footy game on this weekend is the AFL Grand Final! Now I have only recently in the past few years learnt to appreciate our national football game. It also really does help viewing this game as 2 free to air channels have the airing rights so you can never miss a match. I am a little disappointed in my team 
the B Lions as they totally cocked up their season this year, they were doing ok in the first few rounds and then they just died in the ass, they became a bit of a joke with me and Pakka, but we kept on watching their matches praying and hoping they would pick their game up. Even with the Fav they couldn't do shit!
So the final is between St Kilda v Collingwood. Ok so I know sweet F-A about both these sides but I do know that Collingwood aka Magpies aka "the pies" are the favorites to take the premiership trophy, so naturally I am going to go for St Kilda aka "the saints". I love barricking for the under dogs and its even better when they kick ass and bring it home! I have no stats about any of these teams as I have only recently in the past few years started following teams, but I do know that Nick Riewoldt is a sexy beast  and I can't to see him strutting his junk around the field on Sat! Actually most of the AFL players are sexy beasts and serio shit all over those UG NRL players! I will be glued to my TV from 9am as there will be HEAPS of pre-game crap that I just LOVE to watch and Hughsy is pretty funs so it wont be too boring LOL

Day of Birth...

Its my 27th birthday on the 23rd of this month and that makes it a Thursday. Now I have always been one to have a big celebration for my life, who I ask would not want to celebrate my life?! But this year I am feeling a bit melancholy about it all. I think its cause I am turning 27 which has put me only 3 years away from being the big 3-Oh (no), I have no money to spare on excessive decorations or a yummy meal not prepared by myself, I have a daughter and that kind of hinders the prospect of going out & still no money to afford it,  I don't have any nice party shoes at all and to be honest I really I don't think people have the time for it, majority of people I have asked what they are up to it sounds as though they already have plans.
Now I have held some doozey parties in my time... For my 18th my sister and her friend took me and my bestie out in town for the very first time and we danced and drunk our way into a state of a pure drunken bliss, we even went to the strip club and had a lap dance. Every time I hear the destiny's child bootilicious song or kylie's can't get you out of my head I am whisked back to those really bad dance moves that I was inventing LOL My parents even paid for me to get a tattoo so that night out I was flashing it off to whomever wanted to have a look even if it was still bleeding and raw LMAO
For my 21st I organised a formal dinner at a restaurant on the water front. Everyone had to get dressed up to the 9's to enjoy good food and good wine, my grandparents from NZ were even there. I remember I brought these ridiculous stiletto heels with straps that wrapped all the way up my legs, needless to say these did not last very long on my feet and I ended up sitting down most of the night :(
Another one of my birthdays was held in a restaurant that had a sparkly light ceiling, I had soo many friends back then I think we nearly took up the whole restaurant. I got a free bottle of Moet Champagne from the owner, this was the first time I had Moet and to tell you the truth it tasted like shite! I remember saying to my Dad "is this it, is this what its suppose to taste like?" But hey we polished off the bottle and everyone had a grand old time, I think we drank all the vodka from the bar and they had to get another restaurant to run a bottle over LOL
My favorite birthday that I had was my 25th and I created a games night. I had everyone in coloured teams and they had there own tables with corresponding coloured decorations and everyone had to come dressed in their team colour. I had planned out the whole night with games for us all to play, there were prizes and everything. I had a ball being the host and watching everyone really get involved, it was a really great night. I am really, really disappointed that I have no photos from that night at all, like none at all! It would have been great to show off how I did up the back patio with all the balloons and spraklies :(
There is also another birthday that sticks in my memory and its such a shame that what happened happened cause it was a nice theme/idea (it was a garden party) however the punch was too much and I ruined my own party by doing something that makes me feel sick to the stomach still to this day and I wish, I wish I could take it all back and have it not happen (sorry sorry sorry). I have vowed to never ever drink punch again! I can't remember what age I was turning for that birthday!
Then there have the celebrations that were small but just as memorable, going bowling with my bestie & family, having a family bbq and getting drunkies and dancing the night away, going to the movies and a dinner with the special person at the time.
So I think maybe this year its time to do nothing yeah? Just let it float by and not recognise it at all, and due to rain and crazy sleepless nights the exercising has been on hold so I don't think my ass really needs a piece of cake. I am however really really excited about the 1st birthday that I get to plan real soon!! ooohh all those games and food excitement, excitement!  

Dancin Yeah

I have a confession to make...I LOVE DANCE MOVIES! Yes is it true and I am guessing that it started when my blister made me watch Dirty Dancing when I was little, not really one of my favourites, but still has that same sort of story...girl/guy struggling through life not really knowing where they belong or going or they just need to make some money to get out of the life they are lumped with etc etc and then are saved/set free by dance YAY.  Now my fave all time dance movie/s is "Step Up 1 & 2". I have not been lucky enough to see "Step Up 3D" yet, so if anyone has please let me know if its just as good as the others. I have recently watched "You Got Served" and I have to say the acting is really pretty pathetic and the movie is a bit broken and weird, but the dancing, oh the dancing its awesome and the struggle that the 2 lads have with each other and the rival rich white boy crew, its just totally awesome. Here is the final dance battle scene its totally off da hook yal LMAO 




Now my peeps here are my all time fave dance movies

1. Step Up 2 - yes I like this one better than the 1st one as it has a WAY better soundtrack
2. Step Up 1 - its just awesome!
3. Bring it On - I totally love the line about the cheer dudes sticking their fingers in the girlies when they are lifting them LMAO
4. You Got Served - that episode of Southpark now makes sense LMAO
5. Saturday Night Fever - I must have been in my early teens when I watched this and I remember telling my Mum all about it and how I was soo excited about it and I wanted to marry an italiano man LOL she then told me that her and my Pakka use to go to a dance studio to take lessons on how to disco dance!! Can you believe that shite how hills! And my aunt confirmed that this was true as she had to babysit so they could go :)
6. Billy Elliot - Did anyone else cry at the end of this film? I loved the fact that he stuck to it and become the star of swan lake, really was an inspirational movie
7. Mad Hot Ballroom - this is a doco that tells the story of primary students in NY and entering into a school citywide ballroom comp I wanted to put this higher but cause its a doco it really lacks in the cheese that is dance movies
8. Stomp The Yard - Dude getting off the streets and going to uni to learn how to stomp the yard!! OMG sexy friggin man bodies everywhere and we can all do the cobra pose together hiss hiss hiss ;)
9. Footloose - do I really need to say anymore? kevin bacon bringing dance back to a town, only downer is that it has SJP in it...I toally hate her, what is Matthew Broderick doing??!!
10. Top Hat - A best dance movie list would not be complete without a Fred Astaire movie, and its dancing with his legendary partner Ginger Rogers.
11.Centre Stage - just cause they did that lame dance sex scene thing and she was a rebel ballerina LMAO #2 totally sucks big hairy ball bags don't even bother, one good thing about it is that they have kept some of the main characters from the first one but its mega mega mega too much cheese
12. Shall We Dance - poor poor Richard Gere getting sucked into J-Lo's amazing moves and sexy bod yall! And are his eyes open at all??!!
13. Honey - I mean really her name is HONEY!! And she has all the smooth moves LOL

Well thats all that I can be bothered with, and yes I know there are more but I refuse to put them on MY list...yes I am talking about you Julia Flatface! Save the Last shit was total SHIT!!!

One that I have not seen yet but totally want to is "White Nights" from the 80's and is ballet & tap with Russian men, what more could you ask for?!

New Found Stress...

I have begun to experience a different level of stress that I have never in my life ever come across before. The stress of making sure that the decisions in my life are the right ones for not myself, but my daughter! Its soo friggin weird, I have always been so selfish in my "life"decisions it was always about what I wanted to do and what was good for me. Even when I was in a long term relationship there wasn't really a stress of worry about the other person as he just did what ever he wanted or tagged along with me. But no this stress is REAL, like not stress about OMG I hope I haven't fucked up at work or OMG I hope the landlord doesn't notice that hole or OMG he hasn't come home etc etc. This is real life changing decision making stress. Like I want to go back to work, but I don't want to leave my daughter in the care of complete strangers, that will institutionalise her and conform her into a routine baby (I am one of those "new mothers"and use the "baby led" technique of raising my daughter, she calls the shots) But I need to make more money for us so I can afford to put her into a decent school and so we can travel and see the world, not that she is at an age to remember, but I will (selfishness strikes again). So I have been drinking the past few nights trying to ignore all the what if's that are eating away at me and then going through all different scenarios of what I could do. I guess it would be easier if the government changed the ruling on child care benefits. Yes I have realised just how féd up the government is with CCB. I was always one of those that said oh F off you friggin families always crapping on about wanting more benefits etc and now I understand why! Its F'ED UP people really it is, I am not going to go into details cause it's just too infuriating! And of course I have to say it, it would be heaps easier if I had a partner to share this REAL stress with. Someone to nut it out with, writing pro's and con's on a sheet of paper just doesn't seem to do it for me and there is only so much that you can harp on about with friends and family. These are really life changing decisions and I try to just keep mantra'ing to myself "just go with the flow, what will happen will happen, what you put out will come back etc etc"but its really hard!! What if my daughter grows up and asks me why I did things the way I did and why didn't I do this etc I guess I will just have to tell her to shut up and study hard and be a doctor/lawyer/judge so this shit doesn't happen to her LMAO Yes I have become one of those...maybe someone could write a movie about my hard life one day LMAO Anyways I am going to go back to the really cheap, but nice beer from El Salvador that I found, serio cheap was $9.95 for a 6 pack!! c'mon warriors don't let me down AGAIN!