The Man I Hate...

Ask me anything about love and I will now be able to tell you. I am now an expert on what love is, this is why I hate the man I love. The story goes... and yes it will sound like a rom com but I am not in anyway making this up.

I lived next door to a boy since I was 10 years old, we went to primary school together and hung out all the time.  He had a pool in his back yard so needless to say he was my best friend! As baldies we played in the pool, his favourite game was dolphins dive (full on nude bum in the air)! We played games like cream ball and bull rush, we threw rocks, let off fire crackers, BBQ'd things and general baldie bullshit.  I do remember once when I was down and out on life as a little person I decided to "dig to China". Along came my little buddy and he was all like "whatcha doin?" and I said "digging to China, wanna come?" Of course he did, so he joined in! I think we dug for a few days but got no where near China and I do remember getting in trouble for creating a giant pot hole at the front of our house so that was pretty funny. 

When we became lame teenagers we were at different schools but we, of course, remained the best of friends.  Our hang outs did change a bit, there was a lot of listening to music, watching movies (our favourites were Terminator and The Last Boy Scout) and shit talking, experimenting with illegal substances and I am pretty sure I took it upon myself to teach him how to kiss.  Through all this teenage puberty blues we stayed true to our friendship and never indulged in our raging hormones.  I am pretty sure he was stooping all his sisters friends and possibly my sisters friends too! But I never thought of him in that light at all, he was my best friend, he was always there for me, my rock, my saviour, the one friend that I knew I would always have (and still have).  This guy is the only man in my life that is not family that has stayed around and made sure that I am happy, safe and is and always will be there when I need to laugh, be stupid, vent and or cry.  

Life threw heaps of curve balls at me, I have managed deal with all of them pretty well (I like to think that I have a strong head on my shoulders LOL this is another story, I have recently been told that I do what I want but I don't understand why you would not want to do what you want!). ANYWAY I am guessing that without my bestie man friend by side my life would have been a very different story.  There is something about this man that makes me stop and listen to what is happening, he can filter out all the noise and bring peace to the storms in my head.  He can make me laugh so hard that I cry and sometimes wee wee comes out! He knows every "little look" that I have so nothing will get past him un-noticed (this can be frustrating).  I love this man with all my heart and I hate him always...He harboured these feelings for so long!  How easy could our life had been if he had told me sooner?!  But I guess you can not live in a world of "what ifs" right? You live in the moments that you have and as so n so says "roll with the punches"  (I don't actually know who says this).

This awesome man confessing his romantic love feelings to me is an awe inspiring experience and I now know what the fuss is about...because of you, the man I hate, there is hope for me, you have made me a believer and an even stronger fighter! 

Stupidity...

A lot of things have happened to me this month that have hi-lighted my personal stupidity and self centred behaviour, most of it is stupidity.

The most embarrassing obviousness of my stupidity has been that my long time best friend of about 20 years confessed his romantical feelings for me.  This completely blind sided me, sort of, I think that I always knew.  I always loved him but not how I probably should have, but now that I know, as Tony the Tiger says "it's grrrreat!" I feel extremely enlightened and the possibilities now seem endless...the power of love?  Anyway so because I was walking about with this veil of "I have no idea" I informed my family of this happy news and they all said pretty much the same thing..."Yeah, duh, how did you not know?!" blah blah and so it continued.  Making me feel all the more stupid about being blind to what was one of the best things right in front of me. Apparently for all these years I was exercising what popular culture refers to as the "friend zone". Anyway its all out there now and my stupidity has been put on hold until I am again blind sided by this awesome man...I have a feeling there are going to be more happy surprises.

I can not drive! This is another stupidity of mine that I am ashamed to admit due to the fact that I am a woman and I would prove that woman can not drive.  I can not reverse in a straight line (well a long one) and I can not reverse park, unless everyone in the car pressures me into it (if I am by myself I will drive around forever until I find a non-reverse parking space).  The most embarrassing driving experience happened today, if you are drinking please put it down as this might make you spit it out.  I was leaving a car park and so I had to reverse out and then turn to go down the driveway, sounds pretty simple right? Well not when you are stupid like me! I reversed out fine and was clear of all other cars but then BAM! SCRAPE! CRASH! Foolishly I drove over a concrete gutter island thing and got my car straddled and stuck! 2 wheels one side and 2 wheels on the other! My car was turtled (sort of)! I was laughing so much I was crying! I didn't know what to do...I tried to drive forward and that just made me stall so I had to drive backwards wiggling the wheel or doing something that I thought would work.  Finally something happened and I managed to get off the concrete island. No one came to help me at all but no one laughed at me either, just me losing it in the car at how stupid I was! Why didn't I see the concrete island? Why didn't I stop when I heard the BAM? What is wrong with me?  Both my front tyres have what they call in the car business "gutter rash" and mechanics are always asking me "so what happened here" pointing at random dints and dings from my ridiculous traffic negotiation skills!

Saying stupid things is my all time best stupid thing that I do well.  It's not that I mean to say stupid things, they just come out.  Most of the time the words are just nonsense and is me regurgitating stupid things that float about in my brain (I just had a vision of Homer Simpson but I don't think I'm that bad...) but sometimes they hurt people.  It's not that I mean to offend I just sometimes don't think about others and their feelings or the age of the person that I am talking to.  I am not too sure if this is me being self centred or strongly opinionated (it's never really an an opinion most of the time its stupidity, as I said before).  Anyway, so I think that I have come to the realisation that I might be a bit too self centred about things but this could possibly be because I am the only one in my life, until now (refer above paragraph) hopefully this will make me be a little bit more thoughtful before I open my stupid mouth!

All I can say to conclude all this profound stupidity is that it has been jaw dropping, real, exciting and hilarious all at the same time!  I love that I concrete island'd my car...I wish that I could have been a witness!

XM Movies So Far

This year me and the lil Pube have been watching Christmas Movies in the lead up to the birth of Jesus.

1. Love Actually - 5/5
My most favourite Christmas movie and always makes me smile like a loon with tears running down my face at the end.  Christmas Spirit is all over and inside this movie LOVE IT! And love how lucky Colin gets :)

2. Elf - 5/5
The lil Pube and I loved this one and we laughed like crazy people at everything that Buddy did, LOLs all-round.  True Christmas Spirit!

3. The Santa Clause - 4/5
Tim Allen at his finest! We got extremely excited watching the transformation into the big jolly fat guy. The Christmas Spirit message is true and strong :)

4. Jingle All the Way - 2/5
This was fun and entertaining and I loved seeing Arnie as Turbo Man but it lacked the Christmas Spirit that all these other movies have; family time, love, fun and general look out for each other/togetherness.

5. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation - 5/5
I wish that I was Chevy Chase's wife! I seriously love this man and I know Pube does too especially when he lights up the house like a beacon, draining all the towns power LOL. Having all the family stay and all the terrible antics that happen "sparky" still smiles through it all because he just wants his family to have an awesome Christmas. LOVE IT!

6. How the Grinch Stole Christmas - 4/5
I think that this movie sends a beautiful reminder to us all that this time of year is a lot more than just whats under the tree. Pube loved the Grinch and his better knowing sidekick Max (dog that gets to be a reindeer).  My favourite part in the movie is when the Grinch realises what Christmas is about...
It came without ribbons, it came without tags, it came without packages, boxes or bags. 
The Grinch thought of something he hadn't thought before.
Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store!
Maybe Christmas, he thought…
Means a little more!
- Dr Seuss 

7.  Groundhog Day - 3/5
So this one loses one star cause it's not technically a Christmas movie but it should have been! So if it had have been a christmas movie it would have got 4/5, should have been 5 but I don't really like Andie MacDowell.  I just LOVE Bill Murray and all the crazy things he gets up to whilst trying to escape his repetitive hell in Punxsutawney MEGA LOLs

8. Home Alone - 3/5
Well this didn't really entertain the lil pube as much as I thought it would, she lost interest a little but laughed in all the right places.  It think it was a bit too complex about how they forgot poor lil Kevin.  Also the uncle is a prick, that part in the movie when he blamed the whole kitchen fiasco on Kevin was crazy.  I would have totally yelled at anyone who calls my kid a "little jerk"! The Christmas Spirit is well and truly in this movie and it even plays my favourite carol "Carol of the Bells".  Its only getting 3 stars cause I don't really like Kevin, he is a little smarty and stupid at the same time…why didn't he just call the cops?!

The list will be continued once more movies have been viewed :)
Peace and Joy to you all!

Taking my mind off what is happening in the real world...

These are the movies that I have watched to take my mind off reality.  Some of these movies have made me cry and some have made me laugh so hard until I cried, some of them just made me cry for no reason.  

1. Only God Forgives
2. Prisoners
3. The To Do List 
4. Pain and Gain 
5. Tiny Furniture 
6. Good Will Hunting 
7. Man of Steel 
8. The Way Way Back 
9. Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters
10. LOTR Trilogy 
11. Hunger Games 
12. Disconnect

Needless to say I have not been doing a lot lately...

been a long time...

shouldn't left you, without a dope beat to step to. 





Here are things that are on my bucket list, please do not judge me from this list, but I am in the middle of studying for an exam and I am MEGA procrastinating


1. go mental in Los Vegas or rather Reno! 
2. do a dodgy/illegal deed with real mafia mofos
3. ride a unicycle 
4. make a music video - total art house crazy shit
5. be able to tell people what I really think of them (good or bad) without them showing emotion
6. own an art master piece
7. play the sax 


Here is mini me's fave song atm. She has the perfect dance moves for it. Moto Moto is a hi-five!

routine

I drive down a street on my work that is doing dodgey shit with a bus and people that dress in black!
So I noticed this a while ago and just thought I was being paranoid but it has been 3 weeks now and I even left home early so I could park up and watch the goings on (yes I am THAT LAME, hence the name Lamestar)
So there is a vacant block, with a "temporary" fence surrounding its boundaries. In this fenced off vacant block is a marque with a security guard sitting in a chair, there is also another security guard sitting under an umbrella at the gate/drive way. So all these people dressed in black stand under this marque milling about talking and looking like they all know each other and are having a general good time, no one looks like they are being held against their own will. So then the bus turns up and the security guards stand to attention, the first guard unlocks the fence, yes the fence is locked, and lets the bus through to the guard at the marque, where it looks like he checks off a list and lets the people, dressed in all black, on the bus. Now this may not sound weird to you at all and I didn't think anything of it much either until I started to notice over the past 12 days that the people dressed in black ARE NEVER THE SAME PEOPLE!! I drive past this place at nearly the same time day Monday to Thursday, 8.30am give or take a few minutes, and trust me when I say its the same time as I have a small child so I am routine, routine, routine every morning! And I need to make it to work before 9am so I can get a park. So after the first week of noticing this I just thought oh well they must be just a transport service or something like that...but when I noticed that these people were different I thought hang on, not everyone I saw last week could have gone and brought a car and not needed to catch a bus, and hang on why are they locked in under the marque, what is soo special about this block, or these people. So I stop every morning now to watch these black clothed people to see if I can at least see one person that I saw the day before thinking that they might be shift workers or something?? But no they can't be there are a whole bus load of attractive looking people being bussed off somewhere to do something important or are joining a cult. I tried to drive past this morning without stopping but I can't it has become part of my daily routine and I even re-jigged our morning routine so I can sit and watch for 5-10 mins every morning.
I don't know what's going on and my imagination is going mental thinking about, I am not going to tell you the street that this is happening on in case it isn't really happening and I am really losing my marbles, imagining things that aren't there to make my existence that little bit more exciting. When I find my camera, which is probably hanging out with my sunnies, I am going to take some photos to prove to myself that I am not crazy, will I be breaking the law if I take these photos. What if I have noticed this strangeness and I am not suppose to and a powerful force tracks me down and makes me dress in black and catch a "metro" mini bus!

MINI ME & High Fives!

OMG what a week that me and the mini me have had! Monday started as any normal Monday morning, waking at 6.30am to mini me yelling out to me, I don't need an alarm she is like clockwork, and I have even trained her to sleep in on Sundays - 8am is her limit *high five* So yeah we got up had breaking,changed mini me into her daycare clothes put her down to play and went off to get myself ready for work. I was dancing around the bathroom and noticed that I couldn't hear the constant gabble coming from the lounge room that I normally hear, so I turned the radio down and just as I did I heard this blood curdling scream! I ran out to see mini sitting in the laundry SWIMMING IN A POOL OF LAUNDRY LIQUID! How she got the safety latch off the cupboard is beyond me, how she got the lid off the bottle is beyond, and WHY SHE KEPT ON RUBBING IT IN HER EYES IS BEYOND ME!!! So I had to do quick emergency procedure - take off all her clothes, saturate her in water shoving her face under the tap, and of course as soon as she hit water she turned to a slippery bubbly mess! Took about 20 mins to get it all off with no remains, but I still had to attack the eyes with water as they were still red and clearly still irritating her as she was screaming and rubbing like crazy. So on the blower to the Nga to ask her what to do - use an eye dropper you dick! Of course so got the eye dropper, pinned mini me down with my knee, had one hand holding her eye open and the other hand ready with the dropper. Mini me is one strong lil sandwich and we had a big wrestle until she wore out and I had free reign to drop water in her eye balls! Oh the pain and hate that she was expressing to me! So after 20 minutes of that I wiped her down with a towel, fresh change of clothes and a bikkie and she was all smiles and constant gabbing again, not phased at all, I on the other hand had felt like I had run a marathon sooo stressful and had to keep checking on her eyes to make sure she hadn't gone blind! Both eyes are ok *high five*
Tuesday goes ok with only minor bumps and bruises the usual stuff that comes with mini me being a junior explorer. I did however notice that her cough still hadn't disappeared and has been hangin around for about 3 weeks and counting, and she had really stinky smelly breath! So off we trot to the doctors to see if its anything major - yes she has a nose infection which spread to her throat and chest - how was I to know she had a sore throat! So antibiotics shld do and she'll be right mate! *high five*
Wednesday pick her up from daycare and am told that she had running twos and a running nose - running I say more like a fucken avalanche! Am told that 2 other babies were sent home due to sickness - great I say thanks for that ya mofos! So Wednesday night mini me's temp starts soaring and got up to 39.5 degrees, this is friggin sweaty hot for a baby! I smashed the panadol down her every 4 hours and did the sponge baths to help her cool down. She eventually drifted off to sleep around 4am. I was soo wired from the stress of it all that there was NO WAY that I would be drifting off to slumber land. Mini me was asleep in my bed, and I didn't want to totally pass out and roll over and squash her. So I sat up until 7.30am reading The Prisoner of Azkaban checking that mini me was still breathing and not so hot every 5 minutes, I made sure I called work and daycare to let them know of my adventure with mini me, then when I could not keep my eyes open any longer I passed out...next thing I know I am awake and its 10.30am - OMG we just got through her first fever YAY *high five* us!
Thursday is a day of rest for both of us, mini me sleeps heaps, eats little and sneezes/coughs all over everything.
Friday she goes to stay with Nga while I go to work to make up for Thursday that I missed and she has a grand ole' time painting; swimming; playing with Zeb; dancing at the pool pump; gardening; pulling all the loo roll off the roll *high five*; pulling all the pots and pans out of the cupboards;  and general rubebehaving. I go to pick her up hear all about her day and have to go to shop to buy Nga throat stuff cause she is feeling under the weather (OH NO) Take her home and she refuses any food at all so have a bath, give her her meds and then get ready for bed...notice that she is burning hot AGAIN! OH NO another long night awaits me! Not too bad this time just needed the panadol every 4 hours and was ok to sleep in her own bed *high five*!
Saturday opened its arms and welcomed me into the day with another crazy mini me day! After breakie and a  play outside we came in to have a juice and some fruit I had to excuse myself to do human things and when I had finished and went to wash my hands I found mini me drinking the Mercurochrome!! Again how did safety clip fail??!! Have I fucked them in their stoopid asses?? Am I a stoopid ass and haven't put them on properly? But I tested them against my super strength and they worked! Is mini me stronger than me??!! So yeah drinking the Mercurochrome meant that her mouth was all red, her hands were all red and all the white tiles around her were red!  So yeah heaps of fun cleaning that up, and she was smiling at me like a loon thinking that it was totally hilarious with her red teeth and face beaming! Then later that day when I was changing her two'd nappy I came across the word "kia-ora" *high five*- yes the word! She had eaten a mini magnet and it had come out the other end! CRACKED ME UP!! For those of you that don't know what Kia-Ora means, look it up LOL I had been wondering where all the mini magnets were going and now I have found one, have I missed the others or are they yet to come?!
Today, Sunday was a better day except I feel like I have been hit by a truck! Went through the whole day drugged to the hilt with pain killers and cold n flu tablets! I believe mini me has passed her sickness on to me, her Nga and quite possibly her aunty! I blame this all on that stoopid day care...do they really need to be in air con all the time? I know that they play outside in the mornings and arvies, but really how do you know that they actually are getting fresh air? I have put my trust in complete strangers to look after the wellbeing of my daughter and its pretty freaky, I feel bad probing them with concerning questions; do you sanitize toys; cushions; why is this baby here when he is clearly way too sick; but after all I am paying for a service and I  have the right to know, right? I only want the best! People have told me to get used to it that day care is the best place to catch anything that is going around and to be prepared to have many a day off work, then others have said nope apart from the snotty nose or little cough hadn't really had a problem. I am going to try and see as a way for her to build her own immune system, it will do her good I keep thinking, but I really don't want her to go through it again it was terrible and still is terrible, the cough is painful I can tell! But I guess its all part of single parenting and I need the money that having this job gives me, and its such a good job (so far)
So here's hoping that this week will be just as crazy to make it go just as fast, but without all the illness! Oh and on top of all this I lost all my files on my ext HD - no foates, no tv, no movies, no games, no documents! *high five* to me for not reading a formatting manual!