Friday, September 10, 2010

New Found Stress...

I have begun to experience a different level of stress that I have never in my life ever come across before. The stress of making sure that the decisions in my life are the right ones for not myself, but my daughter! Its soo friggin weird, I have always been so selfish in my "life"decisions it was always about what I wanted to do and what was good for me. Even when I was in a long term relationship there wasn't really a stress of worry about the other person as he just did what ever he wanted or tagged along with me. But no this stress is REAL, like not stress about OMG I hope I haven't fucked up at work or OMG I hope the landlord doesn't notice that hole or OMG he hasn't come home etc etc. This is real life changing decision making stress. Like I want to go back to work, but I don't want to leave my daughter in the care of complete strangers, that will institutionalise her and conform her into a routine baby (I am one of those "new mothers"and use the "baby led" technique of raising my daughter, she calls the shots) But I need to make more money for us so I can afford to put her into a decent school and so we can travel and see the world, not that she is at an age to remember, but I will (selfishness strikes again). So I have been drinking the past few nights trying to ignore all the what if's that are eating away at me and then going through all different scenarios of what I could do. I guess it would be easier if the government changed the ruling on child care benefits. Yes I have realised just how féd up the government is with CCB. I was always one of those that said oh F off you friggin families always crapping on about wanting more benefits etc and now I understand why! Its F'ED UP people really it is, I am not going to go into details cause it's just too infuriating! And of course I have to say it, it would be heaps easier if I had a partner to share this REAL stress with. Someone to nut it out with, writing pro's and con's on a sheet of paper just doesn't seem to do it for me and there is only so much that you can harp on about with friends and family. These are really life changing decisions and I try to just keep mantra'ing to myself "just go with the flow, what will happen will happen, what you put out will come back etc etc"but its really hard!! What if my daughter grows up and asks me why I did things the way I did and why didn't I do this etc I guess I will just have to tell her to shut up and study hard and be a doctor/lawyer/judge so this shit doesn't happen to her LMAO Yes I have become one of those...maybe someone could write a movie about my hard life one day LMAO Anyways I am going to go back to the really cheap, but nice beer from El Salvador that I found, serio cheap was $9.95 for a 6 pack!! c'mon warriors don't let me down AGAIN!
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Listening to...Sir Lucious Left Foot:The Son Of Chico Dusty

So I am listening to the new album from Big Boi and I am finding myself hipping and hopping along to his awesome beats. There are a lot of collaborations on the album, however I don't really know most of the peeps he is collaborating with and I dont really care cause its all good shite. This album really gets ya feet a tapping and ya booty shaking. Most played songs so far are "shutterbugg","Daddy Fat Sax" & "Tangerine". There is a little dialog skit thing about getting David Blain'd and I am really hoping that this neva happens to me eva! Totally cracked me up and caused mountain dew to come out of my nostrils!
Big Boi is obviously a master, aussie hip hop take many many notes this is how the shit is done BOI!

Obession....A Spoonful of Sugar

Ok so due to man issues I have found comfort in all things sweet and unfortunately for my hips I discovered a store in the shitsville called "A Spoonful of Sugar". It should really be called a bucket full of sugar as everything in there is OTT sugar. I have only let myself indulge in the homemade fudge and have so far tried chocolate, double chocolate, turkish delight & jaffa. The fudge is soft gooey goodness that I think if everyone ate there would be no drama in the world, I mean really, chocolate really does just make you forget everything and kind of makes you say "at least there is chocolate", to all things bad. However it does have a dangerous side, for example I started buying 50g for $2.50 and have slowly been buying larger and larger pieces, I found myself handing over a $10 note this afternoon. This is not good for someone that is on a very very strict budget, do you think that the fudge makers at A Spoonful of Sugar are packing it with a sugar drug that makes you come back for more?!! I have noticed that there are regulars going back to the store at the same time as me, AND we are all buying fudge, not the boiled lollies or imported sweets etc, just the fudge! A Spoonfull of Sugar is on to something and I need to investigate further...more "research"is no doubt needed! (sorry hips)